Was That Shame?



My dear Arising friends,

Do you ever struggle believing God wants to use you? Or wonder if there is anything he Can use you for? Do you question why he gave you a dream that doesn't seem to be possible? Or maybe you wonder what's wrong with you that you can't get it together and DO whatever it is he created you to do.


You got the idea, now add your own struggle here. I don't... I'm not... I can't...like so and so can.


I go through seasons when I know God gave me Arise to "Guide people to a place where they can hear the voice of the Father, be touched by His presence and filled with his Spirit". That's what he told me to do! But... I struggle with my imperfection and want to know that I am doing it all "Right" before I put things out there.


I was challenged by a new friend to take a look at some limiting belief systems, which is funny to me because that's what Self Discovery Journaling does! I found myself very uncomfortable and wanting to defend my choices. She challenged me to listen to a YouTube video and to write.


In that process, I asked God to bring revelation and strategies for what I needed to do to create an open heaven over my life so that I could do ALL that he has for me to do.


I woke up from some very disturbing dreams and asked him what it was about. He said it was a picture of unresolved sin. I knew I had asked forgiveness for this but had I really repented? The disturbing emotion brought on by the dreams led me to a level of repentance I hadn't experienced before.


I had a revelation of Jesus on the cross. The clouds and sky went black as He took it. That sin! On himself! Lightning and thunder crashed in the same instant as His Papa God turned away from Him. Was that shame on His face? Did He just experience the shame that Adam and Eve introduced back in the Garden!? For a moment in time They were separated. He too turned away and it was gone! My sin, gone from me, taken on Him! I felt the weight he now carried. The weight of my sin, of my shame and disappointment. It felt physically heavy, pulling him down on the cross. Was he giving in to it?


It was cold and damp. Death hung in the fog.


Then, It was replaced by his perfection in my body. When I received Him and asked Him to come and take that sin, He DID! He filled me with Holy Spirit. I felt Him filling my body like smoke fills a room. Flowing through me like the blood that flows through my veins - there to draw on, to bring life, His presence merging with mine, becoming one with Him in our father's eyes.


WOW if I can only hold onto that revelation!


If I could somehow take you into that moment to experience what I experienced, to feel what I felt. In that new understanding of truth, the Why would he want to use me chatter would be hushed!


It would be transformed into an awe inspired Wow! He chose ME to do this! He could have chosen anyone across the span of time but he chose MY body to indwell to do this very important thing. He entrusted ME with His purpose! He took sin from me and replaced it with Him! Filled Me with Him so I am totally equipped, lacking nothing! How do we wrap not only our minds but our hearts around that truth and that sacrificial love?


I long for you to know your value in Him! To truly grasp the magnitude of who YOU are! We would never think of telling Jesus He can't do... You ARE his hands and feet, his voice, his heart and if you say you can't, you're saying He can't because He truly Can't without you.


Oh true, he could find someone else but it would never be his perfect plan YOU!


Take some time alone with Him and write. Write about how this made you feel. Write about the revelation it brought and write about what you want to do differently starting today! Ask him to bring transforming revelation of what you're going to do together.


I Love you all and appreciate your trusting me with your hearts!

Multiplied Blessings as you meet with Him today!

Sandi